Trust Yourself
We but half express ourselves, and are ashamed of that divine idea which each of us represents.
Self Reliance—sounds like some kind of course in wilderness survival where you skin your own rabbits and chop your own firewood. And if you’re reading this blog post somewhere on the prairie in 1841, perhaps that’s an appropriate interpretation (assuming they have rabbits on the prairie—I’m a little out of touch).
But in all likelihood that’s not where you are. You’re probably reading this from your home office, or corporate cubical, or iPhone. You’ve probably never killed a rabbit and think kindling is something you do curled up in bed with a hot beverage and a Tim Tam.
So much for romantic notions of a life of simple freedom. Does your involvement with modern civilization, with all this technological insulation mean you’re doomed to go through life as a servant? Do we bargain away our independence—our basic human freedoms—when we participate in society?
Well, no, actually. At least, it doesn’t have to be that way. The good news is, self reliance actually has nothing to do with either rabbits or firewood. It’s not the exclusive domain of recluse philosophers and the amish. It’s available to all (actually that’s exactly the point)—Yes dear reader, even you can become self reliant. And, you don’t even have to give up your iPhone.
(By the way if you are reading this on the prairie in 1841, please leave a comment about the rabbit situation).
See, it’s not about material self-sufficiency. It’s not about what’s going on in the world at all. It’s about what’s going on inside. It’s about your relationship with yourself. It’s about trusting your own judgement and intuition—your own genius; choosing consciously and deliberately and speaking your truth regardless of the popular opinion. It’s about not asking for permission and not deferring to the experts; because no one is an expert on how you should live your life.
But the majority of our experience conditions us against this. From childhood we’re trained to respect authority and do as we’re told. We learn to follow rules and structures that others have laid out. We learn that there are right and wrong answers, and that it’s someone else who decides what they are.
As children we are dependent, and in our dependance we learn compliance. And while we’re supposed to outgrow that dependancy as we enter adulthood, the reality is that at some level most people bring that handicap with them. They enter a world for which their schooling has prepared them not to create, not to invent, but to fit in. To follow. They don’t know themselves. And their relationship with the world is narrow and superficial.
To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.
When I say “they”, what I really mean is, “us”. It’s we who are living in this bubble of preconditioned responses and unoriginal thinking. It’s we who are exercising but a fraction of our capacity to express ourselves in the world.
Yet we are the fortunate ones. The road of self actualization is still the lesser traveled, but it’s by far better worn than ever before. The examples are there. The knowledge is available for those who are seeking. The hard battles have already been fought. The danger is that we can now use the banner of non-conformity as yet another club for being one of the crowd. For hiding from our truly original impulses.
That voice is frightening to us.
It’s easy these days to talk about self reliance—to write essays on original thinking or blog posts about self expression.
It’s quite another thing to live an original life.
It’s easy to regurgitate the same old personal development cliches or pontificate on trite philosophical truisms that you read somewhere else.
It’s quite another to see outside the borders of your education.
It’s easy to carry the banner of non-conformity once the likes of Dyer or Emerson or Thoreau has given you permission.
It’s quite another to walk an entirely unbeaten path. To persevere when the only evidence that success is possible is your own inexplicable knowing.
It’s easy because it’s been done before.
I like to believe in my own self knowledge. But would I have discovered even this much without the wisdom and guidance of teachers like Wayne Dyer or Ralph Waldo Emerson? Could I have discovered my own self reliance, such as it is, on my own? Honestly, I don’t know. I don’t think I could have done it without the help.
But that’s okay.
That’s all part of the process. It’s all part of the natural evolution—the natural calling forth of potential. We’re always surrounded by opportunities to learn—to know ourselves better. They are staring us in the face at every moment. But we only hear what we’re ready to hear. When we’re ready for the message, then the teacher appears to help us receive it.
How to live an original life
A man should learn to detect and watch that gleam of light which flashes across his mind from within, more than the lustre of the firmament of bards and sages.
But how can you actually get there?
How can you learn to lead when all you’ve known is following? How can you find your truth when all the world is trying to tell you the “facts”?
The answer has to be, by turning inside. By connecting to the quiet wisdom within. The source of your strength, your genius, your purpose. All the guidance you will ever need is available there. But most of us need a push. So, here are the four essential tenets. Here’s what you need to know to find your self reliance:
1. You’re enough.
You’re intrinsically worthy and valuable. You don’t have to earn your worthiness. You don’t have to prove it to anybody. You don’t have to justify yourself in any way. You don’t need anyone’s validation or approval.
2. You’re naturally self actualizing.
The desire to be more is built right into you. It’s not a skill you have to learn. It’s not a badge you have to earn. The need for self expression is embedded deep within your being. It compels you forward. It compels you to discover yourself. To be expressed. To seek answers and to realize your potential. You couldn’t stop it if you tried (though we often do our darnedest). All you need to do is stop resisting your natural impulse to express.
3. Everything you need is available to you.
You have the answers within you. No one else can give them to you. Only you can know yourself. But know that you have within you everything you need to be a fully realized, consciously expressed being and to create what you want in your life. You have the intelligence. You have the creativity. You have the resourcefulness. You have the solutions—and even if you don’t have them yet you have the ability to find them. The opportunity that is available to every one of us is unprecedented in human history. You can create the life you want.
4. This is your life.
Right here. Right now. You’re writing your own story. There’s no predefined plot. There’s no genre. You’re not guaranteed any particular number of pages.
You can look around you and see how others are writing their own stories; you can decide which things you like and which you don’t. You can follow them along a little way to get your bearings.
But the story becomes your own when you truly decide to take responsibility for your life. Not because someone else told you that you should. But because you finally understand, it’s the only way to truly live. And you’ll know that you get it when the only path you’re on is the one that you’re beating yourself.
Rabbit stew, optional.
Photo by santimolina
#Trust30
The quotes in this article come from the essay Self Reliance by Ralph Waldo Emerson. In celebration of Emerson’s 208th birthday, The Domino Project is republishing this great, inspired work.
#Trust30 is an online initiative and 30-day writing challenge that encourages you to look within and trust yourself. Use this as an opportunity to reflect on your now, and to create direction for your future. 30 prompts from inspiring thought-leaders will guide you on your writing journey. Accept the challenge to trust yourself.
As a personal trainer the bit about conformity resonates with me.
I’ve had clients so desperate to conform to a stereotype of physical perfection that they’ve attempted solutions in the past that have actually harmed their health. For women it’s often crazy diets, and for men it’s excessive training of one body-part at the gym. They’ve sacraficed their own health and wellbeing in order to conform to a media-driven stereotype.
Love the handwriting font by the way!
Totally Dom. There’s so many insecurities evident in that kind of behaviour. We’re all effected by it at some time, to some extend, wouldn’t you say? I can remember when my primary motivation for working out was to look good. These days it’s all about strength of focus.
Number 3 really resonates with me. I’m constantly worrying about how I’m going to get on the path I want, where it’s going to come from, or if it even exists.
I keep learning, more and more, that it’s all right there in front of me (more or less).
It’s like your inner guidance have atrophied over so many years of being told to follow and do this, do that… it may be laid out in front of you, but it takes all the effort in the world to stretch those muscles and reach for a solution.
Great post, Lach.
I expect more of these, you know!
That’s a really good way of putting it Annie. It’s a natural ability we all have, but just like our other abilities, if we don’t exercise it, it diminishes. Or, in the case of intuition is more like it gets drowned out. The good news is that it’s always right there waiting to be used; and when you exercise your ability to be attuned to it—just like any other sense—you can develop it to extraordinary acuity. It does take effort to focus—especially on new skills and patterns and ways of thinking. But if you keep at it, it gets easier. Eventually it becomes second nature. Do you think that the worry is part of the path? or is it keeping you off the path?
Worry’s always keeping me off the path, unfortunately–it distracts me from what really matters: getting it done.
If you take the time to realize that you might not make it on hows and ifs, you make a lot more progress.
“If you take the time to realize that you might not make it on hows and ifs, you make a lot more progress.”
May I suggest you frame that and hang it on the wall? Genius.
Thanks for the idea. I signed up today. I am certain this will be very helpful for me.
Good stuff Greg. Writing / journaling is great for self discovery and it certainly helps to have a powerful question to respond to. I’m sure the prompts in this challenge will make for some very illuminating sessions.
I still remember several years ago when it finally occured to me that I don’t actually have to do anything just because somebody else told me to. I’m free to make my own decisions, and I’m also free not to bother rationalizing them to other people. Of course I still forget that sometimes.
I especially liked number three on this list. It reminds me of a quote from Gandhi – the difference between what we do and what we are capable of would suffice to solve most of the world’s problems.
Beautiful, beautiful quote, Sylvia. I love this; thanks so much for sharing. Isn’t it crazy when you have those realizations? Like we go through our whole lives with these blinders on. To waking up…
Lachlan, I want to leave a comment to let you know that this post really spoke to me. It was hard to hold back tears at some points. I actually didn’t hold them back, they flowed.
It’s funny that for the most part, we’re familiar with and know these truths already (they’re within us), but dormant really; it’s not until we’re ready as you mentioned … “then the teacher appears to help us receive it.”
There’s a book in you, right? I hope you’re working on it; can’t wait!
I’m so thrilled that this spoke to you Kim. Thank you so much for sharing. There’s powerful things waking up in you even now. Who are the biggest teachers in your life right now?
Indeed … there is much waking up in me now. So much I’ve buried and hidden for so long. As far as my biggest teachers … I’m revisiting many teachers/speakers who impacted where I am today. I don’t know them personally, but I admire their works and they resonate with me: Watchman Nee, Dr. Gary Chapman, Laurie Beth Jones, Dr. A.R. Bernard, Brian Klemmer and others. No one presently though.
Lachlan…This is my fave post of yours to date.
When something is confronting to read..you know you need to take it in!
It’s difficult to break the habits of a lifetime – particularly when you get rewarded by being the compliant good girl for over 30 years.
Regurgitating the most fabulous BS essays at uni without real understanding still gets you great grades, starving yourself to quieten that inner scream makes you less invisible and as a parent…you can’t help but feel good when the teacher tells you that your lil girls are the most well behaved in the class (eek).
Honestly….I’m still struggling against the invisible ties that bind but I’m here, listening and learning.
I love your writing and am awe of the path you are currently creating. Keep shining that light for the peeps like me… trailing but determined to catch up.
~kirri
Hi Kirri! Thanks so much for sharing your experience. Is compliance rewarding? Somewhat I suppose. Rewarding in a comforting, numbing kind of way. Like a blanket. A temporary kick of approval. Thing is though—when all is said and done, it’s not rewarding at all, is it? Because all the while you’re ignoring the only opinion that counts. You’re quietly suffocating your own truth in the name of the s’postas.
Really appreciate your kind words and support, Kirri. Know though that it’s not me—or anybody—who you need to catch up with. It’s only yourself. It’s only the person you already know yourself to be but aren’t allowing yourself to express. Isn’t that the truth of it?
By the way, you look like an Australian TV star. Do you know which one?
Another kick butt (inner) workout, thanks TEACH! I’m pumped!
“the natural calling forth of potential’ how you talk…. it’s music…
goes straight to the core, stirring things UP!
Giggidy
Congrats on the domino project hook up. That was neat seeing you linked in it. I came across the Emerson project elsewhere and thought, damn, nice one for Lach!
Keep making it happen!
Thanks David. Happily, that one fell in my lap. I’m lucky to have so many inspiring, switched on folks in my life.
LOL…I was born in prairie country…pretty sure there are still plenty of rabbits out there
“Could I have discovered my own self reliance, such as it is, on my own? Honestly, I don’t know. I don’t think I could have done it without the help.” I often wonder about this myself. My biggest issue for a long time was not a lack of unique ideas, but fearing judgment from outside about implementing them. #1 on your list is huge for me. I think it’s so important to allow help from others when doing so will let us get deeper into our own awesomeness and self-trust. The golden key in that is being aware of the difference between being inspired by wise teachers for direction, and relying on them for it. The former helps us forge our own path, the latter is just more conformity.
Sometimes in our sessions I want to say “Lach, will you just give me an answer instead of asking more questions?”
But it’s those questions that make me dig ever deeper inside to find my own wisdom. That’s the kind of help that leads to real self-reliance.
Yeah—that seemed a pretty likely case about the rabbits
Thanks for confirming it Laurie!
I love this distinction—being inspired by wise teachers versus relying on them. Yes, exactly. I’d go so far to say that if a teacher isn’t encouraging you to cultivate your own insights and self-reliance, he’s not really teaching you.
What makes you think I can give you the answer anyway?
Good point. It’s mainly a matter of me thinking others are further ahead on the path than I am, and I’m wanting to learn. But really, it’s not about “the path,” it’s about “my path,” and no one could know more about that than me; I’m understanding that more all the time
Your path and others inspire me, but discovering my own is the greatest adventure of all…and so I truly appreciate all those questions!
I like this.
Nice gentle, encouraging tone.
I don’t think I would have “discovered my own self reliance,” or inner voice as much as I have without the help of others…those others being incredibly insightful authors. I know this for sure!
This definitely is an incredible time to be here, alive and persevering “when the only evidence that success is possible is your own inexplicable knowing.” I’m right there with you, Lach.
It’s a remarkable time to be alive. You got here at exactly the right time.
Hi Lach,
You’re a really good writer!
I’m 18 and life is hard when you’re a teen, deciding what you want to do, who you want to be – and with so many others deciding for you instead… It seems such a chore to fight them (esp. when you’re not clear about who is it you want to be, or what is it you want to do)…
It was really inspiring coming across this post – it made me feel that I’m fine the way I am, I get to decide what I want because this is my life & i love the idea about life being a story, that we get to write and define ourselves.
Thanks for writing this post! (=