It's never too late
At that moment, my desire to accept and love myself just as I am came to full fruition. Not only am I good enough, I am magnificent.
Laurie Sutton
Today I’m thrilled (and more than a little proud) to introduce the first ever guest post at The Art of Audacity by my friend and fellow fear-smasher, Laurie Sutton.
Over the last six months, I’ve watched Laurie create some truly remarkable changes in her life. She’s let go of the insecurities that were holding her back, quit her job of 13 years and is now building her own (profitable) art-business full-time. She’s creating her life on purpose; and she’s a shining example of what’s possible when you really decide that you’re going to allow what you want into your life.
Be sure to check out her new blog at Water’s Edge Creative—and especially her gallery of stunning, hand-crafted jewelry.
This is her inspiring story…
There are two simple but profound questions that can change the trajectory of your life…
Question #1
What’s your definition of freedom?
For me, it’s being able to live life on my own terms, free of the need for lots of stuff and lots of money, free of debt and society’s expectations. And along with that, I never wanted to be rich or famous or successful in any kind of conventional way… but I’ve always wanted to be wise.
To be free is to live my life uniquely, seeking wisdom and adventure in my own way.
Question #2
What’s stopping you?
Well… when faced with that question, I felt a heavy, dark, years-old weight around me that I desperately wanted to shed. Self-judgment, doubt, fear of unworthiness, old destructive thought patterns, and long-suppressed dreams had me feeling like my own mind was the enemy. The way out from under it all felt utterly impossible. But the question itself let in the first tiny rays of light. It was a beginning, and we all need a place to start on the path to liberation.
Six months ago, I made two courageous choices…
First, inspired by Karol Gajda’s What If? posts, I asked myself, “what if I sign up for Chris Guillebeau’s World Domination Summit?” I had no idea how I’d get myself to Portland. I had no clue how I’d come up with the money. I knew my boss would be less than happy about giving me time off to go. And scarier than any of that, I had no inkling of how my introverted 40-year-old self would be able to manage among all those awesome, forward thinking, mostly-younger-than-me rockstars. But I’d been thrilled and moved by the stories I’d been reading in the blogs, about people who were leaving the so-called “real world” to live according to their own Light. I wanted a piece of that, with every particle of my being.
Second, I began working with a life coach. On the outside, my life was not awful. I lived in a nice house, I had a decent job using my artistic skills, I have a family and friends who love me. But inside, I was a friggin’ mess. Mentally and emotionally, I felt surrounded by a wall of resistance four miles high. I needed an anchor, someone who would listen to my stories and pain and fear and not run away no matter what. When Lach invited me to share, the dam burst open. I often wonder if he had any clue what he was getting himself into, but he never once responded with anything but kindness and encouragement, and that gave me the courage to plow ahead. Through Skype calls and dozens of novel-length emails, I began to find my way.
One of the things that inspires me most at The Art of Audacity is the idea of taking on a goal so big you have to grow into the person who can achieve it. For me at the end of 2010, signing up for WDS was that catalyst. That choice sent me on the ride of my life.
Through the long winter months, I began exploring all that resistance. To keep from feeling crushed by despair at the height of the wall, I began by removing one stone. Among other things, I faced the lingering ill effects of a terrifying abusive relationship from four years past. I discovered how all of my bad choices surrounding this relationship had caused me not to trust myself, and I recognized that restoring my self-trust was the golden key to inhabiting my freedom.
I learned the immeasurable value of paying attention to my thoughts and emotions and how they interrelate. I learned that it’s possible to change the quality of my thoughts, and more light began to trickle in. Each week, I worked on removing another stone from that wall of resistance. After awhile, it became two or three stones. I began to have breakthroughs. I was amazed that the process was not so much about resolving old issues as it was about seeing that those issues had no real power over me in the present. I’ll never forget waking up one morning, after a crazy dream about getting married to I guy I didn’t even know, and feeling ecstatic with joy to be free of my old relationship disasters. I’m still not sure exactly what caused the shift, all I knew is that I was free. Suddenly, relationships were not the scariest thing in my world. And I began to feel my power.
After that, victories came my way left and right. The evidence began to pile up. Whatever I decided to change in my life, I went at it with both trepidation and hope, and sailed thru with flying colors. A pattern developed: Feel the fear, worry that I couldn’t do it, step out and try it anyway, be amazed when it worked out great. I started making bigger choices… grow my longtime side project, Water’s Edge Jewelry… set a date to leave my old job, which was playing a major part in the wall of resistance… learn how to build a website… dance on YouTube… Lach’s enthusiasm for fear-smashing was contagious, and I began to experience firsthand how what once seemed impossible could become the next natural step.
As the winter crawled by and turned into spring, my thoughts and feelings about attending WDS changed. I got my ticket, made reservations for my first stay in a hostel, received plane tickets as a birthday gift from my parents, put in my notice at work for May 27th so getting time off wasn’t an issue… all things that I could not foresee back when I signed up. Once again, things worked out for the best in spite of my worries.
All those outer changes feel marvelous to me. My dreams of living life on my own terms were coming true! But I have always been an introspective soul, and my inner world proved much more challenging than the outer. Persistent feelings of uncertainty and inadequacy kept creeping in, even though it was obvious I could rock at whatever I wanted to. On the plane to Portland, I still wondered how I’d manage at that stellar gathering.
What I found was a beautiful sense of belonging…
All of my hard work in learning to pay attention to my thoughts and emotions, to accept and allow instead of resisting, to trust myself and follow my passions, was amplified and echoed at WDS. It wasn’t just the ambitious entrepreneurs and the socially adept who would stop at nothing to live their unique path of freedom. In her beautiful presentation about being unapologetically yourself, Karen Walrond said:
When you compare yourself to others, you’re comparing your inside to their outside.
At that moment, my desire to accept and love myself just as I am came to full fruition. Not only am I good enough, I am magnificent. I am the only one who can contribute my particular gifts to the world. I am the only one who can walk my luminous path!
So here I am, transformed, and transforming. I’ve learned that “impossible” is just a word. I’ve learned that it’s okay to need help, and to receive it. And I want to emphasize something here: Don’t ever compare your fears, or your dreams, to anyone else’s. If I can overcome the fear of inadequacy and unworthiness to blossom into freedom, anyone can. The layers upon layers of self-judgement, doubt, and mistrust I carried for decades are just thoughts with emotions attached. Embracing that was the key which unlocked my true potential. I’ve claimed the freedom that was always mine.
What’s your definition of freedom?
What’s stopping you?
Take care of yourself. Love and trust yourself.
And watch those doors begin to open!
Congrats on all of the big moves Laurie and best of luck with everything you are going to accomplish here in the near future. Very happy to see yet another person take control over what they “should do” and start acting on what they want to do.
Thanks so much, Justin, I really appreciate that.
I’ve found countless times in my life that the “Shoulds” and “Ought to’s” of life are never my friends. Doing what I want to do makes for a crazy zigzag of a path, but it’s so very meaningful and beautiful!
Great post.
I’m in a similar position (well, the *before* position, I guess) and I’d like to hear more about how you changed your thoughts and finally defeated your resistance. It seems that the other good things all started after you had already done that part.
How exactly did you start pulling out those bricks that had held you for so long?
Congrats on your new life and freedom!
I think the most important aspect of starting a process like this is having a tremendous desire to change. After that, it’s a matter of paying attention to everything you’re thinking about, and how those thoughts FEEL. Lach explains it really well in the “How to Change Your World” posts (check his archives, December and January). Once I realized that the emotions attached to my thoughts were something I could turn around, it changed my whole world.
As for tackling that wall of resistance, I chose the thing that was causing me the most fear and anxiety (the abusive relationship) and thought about how it was affecting me in the PRESENT rather than trying to untangle old memories. This is key.
The process of changing the quality of your thoughts and emotions is a wild ride unlike any other. At first, it’s excruciating. It requires an unwavering willingness to look within and allow those emotions, whatever they are, to BE. Each person’s path thru this will be unique. And when you begin to have breakthroughs, which you will if you stick with it, it creates more and more desire for change for the better.
I still deal with resistance every day, and keep an eagle eye on my thoughts and emotions. I’m not sure it’s something I can “defeat,” I’ve simply learned a much better way to manage it.
I appreciate your questions, K, you’ve encouraged me to dig deep for this reply! I’d like to encourage you to write to Lach if you’d like more help in turning your thoughts around…he’s a genius with questions that can get you going in that direction.
Thanks Laurie, the check’s in the mail.
Wow. This is one of those “AWESOME SAUCE!” posts that make me wish I could still do cartwheels without risk of serious bodily injury or smashing something valuable. That part about fitting in with the youngsters especially rings true to me, at a rockin’ 44 years young. I mean, I’m sorry – I partied with Guns N Roses. I don’t FEEL OLD. Sue me. But still, it’s hard not to feel that whole “you’re … how old, again?” vibe when you start hanging out with the hipster bloggers.
Interestingly, one of my role models, who just launched her first site last year and is truly making waves of the most awesome kind, is sixty-five. Another of my role models was a classmate in law school. When she graduated, she went to work for the local public defender’s office in swank, classy Charleston, SC, her hometown.
My friend – and no, this is not a typo — was SEVENTY-SEVEN years old the day we graduated. She was a lifelong Charleston belle, totally North of Broad and very, very well off. Never worked a day in her life. She went to law school because she CRAVED it. And she, too, rocked the house. I remember Pru every time I feel a little … er, less than young. I will from this day forward also remember Laurie Sutton. And as the kids used to say, YOU GO GIRL!
Stan Lee was 43 before he started developing his legendary comic book heros.
Colonel Sanders was 65 before he turned his failing restaurant business into a multi-million dollar franchise.
Andrea Bocelli started practicing to sing opera at 34.
And I still party to Guns N Roses
I’m loving this post and the comments. Lach, you are incredibly encouraging but Annie said she partied WITH Guns N Roses… i.e. some of us were young-uns way back when and met these groups when they were just getting big. And Laurie, I was in the streets of LA for the shoot of the U2 video, Where the Streets Have No Name… heard about it on the car radio and bailed on high school to check it out at the tender age of 16 (in 1987). Maybe it wasn’t partying with Bono in person, but it was pretty damn exciting. Everybody gets to be young once… hopefully.
That is just too cool, Kerry! I’ve loved U2 since I was 14 and got to see them in concert just a few days ago…absolutely brilliant
I love that “Streets” video!
Thank you so much, Annie! So awesome about your friends…let’s hear it for late bloomers! One of the best things about going thru this process is that I no longer feel obligated to try and act my age. I’ve always felt much younger than my years, and at 40 I was finally able to embrace that and celebrate it to the max!
You really made me smile…rock on, sister! (And incidentally, my favorite band “back in the day” was (and still is) U2, who I never dreamed would still be rising to the top in their 50′s. Age really is a relative thing!)
Nice! Way to reclaim your life and shape it into what you want, Laurie! Congratulations!
Not only am I good enough, I am magnificent.
I love this.
It seems like you and I have been on a very similar journey these past few months. Keep on rockin’!
Hi Cara! Yes, we do appear to be traveling parallel, don’t we?
I love it. The past 6-8 months have been some of the most challenging of my life, in every way; mentally, emotionally, physically…and I would not trade that for anything. Lach keeps telling me, “And just think…this is only the beginning.” Makes me grin like the Cheshire Cat every time I think about that!
Laurie…thank you! This statement……. When you compare yourself to others, you’re comparing your inside to their outside. …….I will take into my day, and share it with many others. Brilliant…right out of the core of who you are and are becoming. I do celebrate that for you, and all whom you will influence with all the rest of your life. You’ve certainly influenced this 70yo man as this day, and the rest of our lives begin…again. Creative blessings abundant to you on this journey called…….life.
Wow—I love this. Becoming who you are is a never-ending process. You’re never done, and it’s never too late to start. Right here and now, baby. Thanks for sharing Wes!
That’s beautiful, Wes, thank you! As I’ve been going thru this process, it never occurred to me that I could be any influence or inspiration to anyone else…all I wanted was to find my way out of my tangled thoughts, so I could turn my life around and be free. It fills me with joy and humble gratitude that my struggles and triumphs are encouraging to others. Bright blessings to you on your journey as well!
Very powerful post, and very inspiring.
Congratulations.
I especially loved this line “I’ve claimed the freedom that was always mine.” We do tend to forget what amazing power we have within ourselves already- then to see that it was there all along is incredible.
Glad to see another person who is positive proof that this type of shift is possible.
“We do tend to forget what amazing power we have within ourselves already”
The toughest part is the beginning, when you’re not sure you have any power at all. Taking those first steps into the unknown, not knowing what you’ll unearth within, that’s intimidating. But I have never done anything so worthwhile. Because once you feel that power for the first time, there’s no stopping it.
In not knowing you had any power, where did you find the willingness to explore, Laurie?
I knew deep down that there must be a better way to live. I was utterly finished with “settling for.” I also knew that my own chaotic thoughts were what was roadblocking me, and was willing to do whatever it took to get to the bottom of that and turn it around. At the time, I felt powerless…but looking at it now, I can see that those strong desires alone were full of power.
Not only possible—but inevitable once the intention is there. We all experience that pull. The question is about whether we allow ourselves to go with it. Awesome to see Laurie’s example inspiring others. Thanks for sharing, Harley!
hi Laurie, Great blog post. Really eloquent, and what particularly struck me was the two questions you pose: what’s your definition of freedom, and what’s stopping you. Gets straight to the heart of things.
Ah, “eloquent,” one of my favorite words.
Thank you, Dom!
Those questions were two of the very first Lach asked me when we started working together. The first one was easy; I’d had my thoughts and ideals of personal freedom for decades. But that second one, “what’s stopping you?” was a humdinger. It’s such a powerful question, because it stops you in your tracks, makes you see all the ways you’ve been roadblocking yourself, and starts you on that crucial path of self-awareness.
Darn tootn’.
Epic post–it describes what I’ve been going through with Lach for the past few months with crystal clarity. It’s a process that works, and isn’t fake: that is, making that goal and deciding to get the hell on it instead of dwelling on the reasons why you can’t.
It’s so refreshing to see that more and more people are coming by this method of problem-solving.
Congrats on your first guest post, Lach, and Laurie, thanks for sharing your insights!
Hi Annie! It really is an amazing process, isn’t it? And one of the most refreshing things in my experience is that it’s not always “problem solving,” sometimes it’s seeing that what feels like a colossal problem is much simpler than I thought, and then I’m able to let it go, to rise above it. Learning how to find clarity has been such a blessing.
Best of luck to you on your own audacious path.
Sweet as, Annie. Thanks for the props! Interesting perspective on “problem solving”. I have to continually remind myself of it too because it’s easy to fall back into being stuck on the problem and thinking there’s a way to “figure it out” when often what’s needed is getting more focused on how you want things to be and letting them find their own way there.
Yes, exactly! One of the best golden keys of all
Lach, thanks so much for sharing your space with me, my friend…my little comment-queen self is enjoying this immensely
It was a lovely honor to be your first guest post, and even more of an honor to know that my experience may help others begin to find their own way to being free.
“There are people whose presence is encouraging. One of the most beautiful gifts in the world is the gift of encouragement. When someone encourages you, that person helps you over a threshold you might otherwise never have crossed on your own.” -John O’Donohue
Thank you for staying on the path with me, and for being an encouraging presence
Hi Laurie,
Great post and so timely for me. We had the pleasure of meeting at WDS and sharing the coffee shop across the street from the hostel. Your “outside” was cooking. You seemed very much in your element to me and it was a pleasure to meet you.
I really appreciate this post and its timing. I have was on a post-WDS high for about a week and then spent 36 hours traveling back to Cape Town with my 6 year old son. I’ve been in a bit of a funk since with low energy and having a hard time acting on all the inspiration and insight I gained at WDS. I’ve barely been going through the motions of mom-ing and wife-ing and haven’t even gotten to all the lifestyle/business ideas I want to act on. Slowly but surely though, my WDS twitter feed is pulling me out of the mire. Thanks for a good hard tug. I needed it.
Looking forward to seeing more great things
And Lach, I was introduced to your site via Niall Doherty who I had the pleasure of climbing a mountain in Oregon with the day after WDS. He was showing me your awesome orange lion as an example of excellent illustration in web design. I loved the visual, and have been meaning to get back here ever since. Definitely time to get over the “meaning to”.
All the best, Kerry
Hey Kerry, so good to re-connect.
I loved meeting you too and I’m glad to hear you made it home with your little boy. Would love to stay in touch with you and maybe meet again one day at a future WDS!
I’m so glad to hear that this post helped pull you out of your funk. WDS gave us SO MUCH to think about and inhabit. Overwhelm is something I struggle a lot with too, but I’ve found as I work on my inner and outer life both that choosing one thing at a time to focus on makes such a huge difference. It really helps me to relax, and I found that once you get in the flow, all the truly important stuff gets accomplished.
Awesome that you found your way to The Art of Audacity too…Lach’s a great guy to have in your corner, and the community here is top-notch.
Looks like I’ll have to send a check out for Niall too. Seriously though—love that dude. He’s doing some fabulous things. Glad to hear things are beginning to tip in the right direction. Who are you on Twitter, Kerry?
Such a powerful quote: “When you compare yourself to others, you’re comparing your inside to their outside.”
We don’t know how others are thinking. How they’re feeling, what their vision is, etc.
So there’s no need for comparison. It’s like comparing an apple to an orange. Doesn’t really compare the same thing.
Freedom to me is having no fear. No fear is when life begins.
So powerful…when I heard that, I felt a shift of understanding that just blew my mind. Karen Walrond really “gets it.”
Letting go of expectations about what others think, feel, and believe about us opens up so much possibility for growth and positive self-awareness. One of my toughest struggles has been learning to stop worrying so much about what others think of me, and learning to be as kind to myself as I am to everyone else.
I’m not sure I can imagine right now what “no fear” feels like. But I have seen and felt many times what it’s like to turn fear into victory. I no longer allow fear to rule my life, to keep me stuck. And as you say, that is when life begins. Thanks, Matt.
So many thoughts racing thru my mind after reading this post. First, gotta thank Lach for introducing me to Laurie.
Laurie, unbelievable. You are an amazing force. I yelped out loud at so many parts of this interview. Yes to not comparing yourself to others! Yes to owning your choices in relationships! Yes to freedom!
I, too, am a midlifer who shed everything to pursue my dreams. In this case, writing and traveling long term. Everyone has something they long to accomplish or do.
So, how do we go about doing it? Just as you said, brick by brick. So often we dwell on the outcome, not the process.
It’s the process of finding out about ourselves, how we tick, why we “roadblock” ourselves that actually allow us to accomplish!
I sorta disagree with Matt R. (commenter). Fear will always be in our make-up. It helps us survive, listen to our instincts and show us that we are close to WHAT WE WANT. Think about falling in love, jumping out of an airplane or ziplining. All of those activities rouse a little bit of excitement AND fear.
Maybe what Matt is referring to is that stubborn ability we have to NOT LET GO of control. And by that, I mean we hold onto usually irrational reasons to not try something new or feel comfortable in being fully ourselves. Kind of goes into the comparing to others, maybe?
Laurie, your jewellery is beautiful and the more you accumulate shared experiences (i.e. WDS) the more of you will blossom and stay blooming for years to come!
Awesome. Thanks for opening up the discussion, Jeannie. Great ideas all round. I see both sides of this coin. Matt said “no fear is where life begins”, and I know where he’s coming from. Life begins when we stop allowing ourselves to be limited by fear. Stop allowing fear to shut us down; to dictate what we can and can’t do. But having no fear whatsoever would not be exhilarating; and so it would not be a deeply satisfying life. It would be an ending place. Maybe that place is accessible to us, but I wouldn’t want to live there all the time. I think of fear more like an envelope. We want to keep expanding it. But we also want to continue to engage at its boundary. That’s really where we come alive. Like Robert Master’s said: “fear is just excitement in drag”.
Hey, Nomadic Chick! So glad you liked the post. I never dreamed my experience could have this kind of impact on people, and the response continues to blow me away.
Like I said in a response above, I was finished with “settling for” and feeling small. Taking on the challenges of self-discovery has been and will certainly continue to be the biggest, most worthwhile journey I’ve ever set out on.
Your words about control are thought-provoking. It’s just an illusion of control, isn’t it? It can be terrifying, but also liberating, to realize we don’t actually control much of anything. Easing up, letting go, of that illusion is so powerful.